May 31, 2010

Smoldering

I bled for you but you would not have me. I bled the color red all over your palette of paints. I wanted your artist heart in my deepest ash pit. I wanted to mean as much to you as that tree you sketched on your crowded canvass. But you would not have me.

My passion flamed for you like a redwood on fire. A beacon for the planets is what I wanted to be for you. With my two feet planted in the earth, I wanted to stand tall in my heat and consume you.

I wanted to split you. I wanted to expose the pink timber of your insides and watch as your wood raged. I wanted you to see the yellow flickering in my mad eyes. But I was not firmly planted in the ground. I was flaring and hurting and misfiring.

I have never told anyone, but I have practiced black magic. I sprinkled the stars on the table in my favor. You can turn the universe whichever way you fancy but that also means twisting your fate like a screw backwards into the blind side of your life. I stopped when my hands and face became charred. One must learn this lesson, I suppose.

Another lesson I learned is that I never burn out, that I cannot be consumed. I may smolder blue for a while, but I will always return to torch. I will always bleed red hot for you.

12 comments:

LadyFi said...

Wow - passionate and lovely! I like the metaphor you use: it works really well.

Bernie said...

You do have a way with words my friend.....a good way....:-) Hugs

Brian Miller said...

there is an intensity to your words...some starting images as well...i wonder what it was that riled you so...

Anonymous said...

Yes, I have bled in this way for someone who didn't want me. This resonates with me- you have really captured the intensity of emotion.

Nice blog :)

Unknown said...

Yep, I know this feeling.

Anne Gallagher said...

oohhh, this is beautiful. I love the colors your passion invokes.

Ed Pilolla said...

@ladyfi, i'm a tree-hugger, but the fire and tree and wood just did it for me.
@bernie, thanks much. glad to have you around.
@brian miller, what riled me so was being rejected:)
@cinnamon, thanks for visiting. yeah, it was a challenge to bring in an element of anger to it, but that's present in this piece. finally at a point in my life where i can acknowledge more fully what goes on internally, and recognize it.
@lorster, yeah, you and me both:)
@piedmont writer, thanks. i had fun bouncing between colors, for sure.

Tori said...

Yeah, I've been there too. Turned out to be a necessary and valuable lesson. Well done.

Ed Pilolla said...

@tori, it is valuable lesson, but don't let that make you think i know anything, 'cause i don't! all experiences are good ones, i do believe.

Alexandra said...

Written with true experience dripping out of your fingertips.

Anyone can see that...

The colors say so much more than the words alone.

Very, very nice.

Lisa said...

I so love how you deliberately cover the canvas with all the colors of rejection. What a creative description of wanting to belong firmly to someone but being completely unable to take root in their soul. Really loved this piece, Ed.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

rejection can cause terrible bitterness and hurt...this expresses it so colourfully and so passionately