May 31, 2010

Smoldering

I bled for you but you would not have me. I bled the color red all over your palette of paints. I wanted your artist heart in my deepest ash pit. I wanted to mean as much to you as that tree you sketched on your crowded canvass. But you would not have me.

My passion flamed for you like a redwood on fire. A beacon for the planets is what I wanted to be for you. With my two feet planted in the earth, I wanted to stand tall in my heat and consume you.

I wanted to split you. I wanted to expose the pink timber of your insides and watch as your wood raged. I wanted you to see the yellow flickering in my mad eyes. But I was not firmly planted in the ground. I was flaring and hurting and misfiring.

I have never told anyone, but I have practiced black magic. I sprinkled the stars on the table in my favor. You can turn the universe whichever way you fancy but that also means twisting your fate like a screw backwards into the blind side of your life. I stopped when my hands and face became charred. One must learn this lesson, I suppose.

Another lesson I learned is that I never burn out, that I cannot be consumed. I may smolder blue for a while, but I will always return to torch. I will always bleed red hot for you.

12 comments:

LadyFi said...

Wow - passionate and lovely! I like the metaphor you use: it works really well.

Bernie said...

You do have a way with words my friend.....a good way....:-) Hugs

Brian Miller said...

there is an intensity to your words...some starting images as well...i wonder what it was that riled you so...

Cinnamon said...

Yes, I have bled in this way for someone who didn't want me. This resonates with me- you have really captured the intensity of emotion.

Nice blog :)

Lori said...

Yep, I know this feeling.

Piedmont Writer said...

oohhh, this is beautiful. I love the colors your passion invokes.

Ed Pilolla said...

@ladyfi, i'm a tree-hugger, but the fire and tree and wood just did it for me.
@bernie, thanks much. glad to have you around.
@brian miller, what riled me so was being rejected:)
@cinnamon, thanks for visiting. yeah, it was a challenge to bring in an element of anger to it, but that's present in this piece. finally at a point in my life where i can acknowledge more fully what goes on internally, and recognize it.
@lorster, yeah, you and me both:)
@piedmont writer, thanks. i had fun bouncing between colors, for sure.

Tori said...

Yeah, I've been there too. Turned out to be a necessary and valuable lesson. Well done.

Ed Pilolla said...

@tori, it is valuable lesson, but don't let that make you think i know anything, 'cause i don't! all experiences are good ones, i do believe.

The Empress said...

Written with true experience dripping out of your fingertips.

Anyone can see that...

The colors say so much more than the words alone.

Very, very nice.

Lisa said...

I so love how you deliberately cover the canvas with all the colors of rejection. What a creative description of wanting to belong firmly to someone but being completely unable to take root in their soul. Really loved this piece, Ed.

Gillian said...

rejection can cause terrible bitterness and hurt...this expresses it so colourfully and so passionately