May 16, 2010

Tough Love

Unconditional love does not exist here. If you consistently hurt me, I'm gone. If you consistently withdraw, I'm gone.

Want unconditional love? Get a dog.

Ever since my relationships became very conditional, life became more enjoyable.

This applies to friendships too. Hold me to the same standard, please.

My days trying to save others are behind me. If you aren't bringing something positive into my life, there is not a place for you in my life. I do not give second chances anymore.

Culling personalities is like clipping fingernails.

I recommend it.

22 comments:

girlvaughn said...

agree.

Xcrush said...

Love?

Alexandra Grabbe said...

That last line was a doozy. Expresses exactly how my husband tells me he felt about a former love affair, which lasted ten years, and finally made him throw up his hands. I was fortunate to be the next person he got involved with and our relationship has lasted over 20 years.

chelsey said...

very true, love shouldn't be conditional. I imagine you were feeling very decisive when writing this piece? maybe I should take some of your advice into my own life...

Andrea Parker said...

Ed is harsh today. Ed has had enough. Ed is putting his foot down!

Hee hee hee

Tori said...

I think I'm going to go clip my fingernails. :)

Ed Pilolla said...

hahaha! i love the authentic reactions here. this probably hardly qualifies as a love letter, but i do ultimately think it does. hey, i'm italian, my emotions flash, love and anger.
:)

Xcrush said...

Dear God, please don't let THIS one be about ME. Thank you. giggle....

Ed Pilolla said...

you are hysterical, xcrush. this is something i've been working on in my head and in my life for many months, probably nearly a year. but it was appropriate to bust it out now, in the sequence of letters and in my life. has nothing to do with you, dear:)

Xcrush said...

giggle....I am so glad!!!! :)

thinkingtoohard said...

I'm so fucking jealous. I forgot how to do that, and I'm paying the price right now.
Love you.

rtrax said...

I have to say, I have been living my life like that for the last 4 years....and while some may think I'm harsh, I have truly been the happiest I can ever remember being. When you start getting the emotional vampires out of your life...its amazing how it opens up room for self! Nicely put, Ed!!

Ed Pilolla said...

thanks so much for reading, rtrax. it's been a journey of my life to get here, to begin to implement this behavior in my life and return to recommit to it. but after saving myself, it becomes obvious you can't save anyone but yourself. still, i have that tendency to want to save, but i'm doing good. thanks for dropping in. 'emotional vampires,' i love it!

Tori said...

I know an emotional vampire or two.

Richard said...

Hmmm... are you saying I can never make a mistake? That I can never disappoint you? 'cuz I know I can't live up to that standard.

If, on the other hand, you're saying that you expect me to make occasional deposits in your emotional bank account, not just withdrawals, I'm with you all the way.

Toxic relationships are bad news, but no relationship is perfect.

Ed Pilolla said...

great point, richard. you are right. i felt better installing the word 'consistently,' at the top becuz, yeah, everyone hurts, everyone gets hurt.

you get from people what you are getting, seems to me. we have patterns, good and bad. people don't generally change from their pattern. they better be bringing more love than pain into my life. it can't even be a close call to stay in my life.

Anonymous said...

Survival instincts have had me severe ties with a few old friends, many x-lovers and unruly relatives over the years. In doing so, I was able to travel lighter and further but never freer, as they are always within my thoughts.

Ed Pilolla said...

god, it's true. we can't ditch some people and memories completely. but you're right, we can travel lighter. wow, fantastic food for thought. thank you.

magdalawit said...

That's the toughest I've heard you ever! I used to say the same thing...but then sometimes time changes dynamics in relationships. But then also, sometimes things never change...it's kind of confusing.
How many chances does one give a relationship?

Ed Pilolla said...

it's so true, magda. time changes us back, and sometimes we change less than we want. i have to recommit to this periodically, i find. how many chances? i don't want anyone in my life with a pattern of hurting me, and i shouldn't be allowed in someone else's life if i have that pattern. much more love than pain seems fair.

The Empress said...

You think that something like this, something that has to do with survival, would be more of an instinct.

Why don't we instinctively protect ourselves from the mental threat? We instinctively protect ourselves from the physical.

I have always wondered this.

This was excellent.

I could've used your words in college.

I might save this for my teenage sons, when they leave on their own.

I'll pack this post in with the basic esentials of ramen noodles and cans of tuna.

Ed Pilolla said...

@the empress, thank you. it only took me my whole life to get to this point, and i still have to remind myself. a heart protector is acquired, i guess. still, your words make me wonder whether our hearts are just naturally open and want to be open. but i do think i know that taking care of ourselves actually benefits others so they cannot hurt us, becuz that's bad for them too. i think. yeah, i think that.