May 6, 2010

Mr. Right Now

I've never been Mr. Right, that's for sure. More like Mr. Right Now. I've known my share of Ms. Right Nows.

I have friends who are in committed long-term relationships, as we all do, and it's a beautiful thing. But you know what else is beautiful? My friend who has serious intimacy issues hooking up with a guy for the first time in a long time, feeling great about herself once again, and then retreating into her private space because that's how she lives.

Can you see the love in that brief connection? Sure, she has issues. Sure, her life isn't perfect. She lives with pain. Who doesn't? Even my friends in committed long-term relationships, they have their mixture of love and pain. I guess my committed friends have each other. My single friend has her cats.

This book of love letters I'm putting together here, well, you might wonder--as I sometimes do--how I can write knowledgeably about love, as a single guy who has a history of having one foot out the door in relationships. I don't pretend to know about the sort of love it takes to fuel a long-term, happy and committed relationship. All I profess to know is that I have finally, mercifully, evolved to perhaps the most simple and sacred point on the evolutionary wheel, and that is the experiential understanding that love is love and love is beautiful.

Whether it's a broken person's love for the peace she finds in making art. Or someone's love for his partner of 50 years. Or the love binding friends and family. Or a bent person's found love in occasional sex and connection. Or a love for one's tribe, even. Or a fool's love for hope in this fallen world.

Love is love.

And love is beautiful.

I know narcissism is still very much in vogue. It's a strong force in this fallen world. I've spent some time as a devoted member of that cult. What's inside the narcissist's chest is in fact love, for something or other. Rather than sharing and celebrating this love, however, because that can be embarrassing as fellow cult members will certainly judge you, it gets cloaked in cynicism.

Narcissism, as far as I'm concerned, is not only played out, it's downright boring in 2010.

I'm in love with love these days, all kinds. 

20 comments:

wendryn said...

"Love is love.

And love is beautiful."

Yup.

thinkingtoohard said...

Okay, so stop mirroring my lief in words .
"bent," "tribe," and "love is love" all need links to the appropriate posts.
And I love you.

Tori said...

You continue to create works of art with your words. I can't wait to see what you do next. You are lovely. :)

Natasha Rogue said...

This post just made me feel good. Actually, most of your post do. You find a bit of beauty in everything, and sometimes a lot. Keep up the great work I'm looking forward to more.

ed said...

thanks so much, really. i feel like i got a lot off my chest with this post. feel a little freer, actually.

Xcrush said...

Isn't that what writing is all about Ed? Making you feel free? I have a journal and it's not a work of art by any means but my God do I love to write it in it....it's mine.....to write about whatever I love! Big hugs to you and put that foot back IN the door someday.....

ed said...

my foot's in, more than ever. i'm blessed. my life is moving in the direction i want for a few years now. yeah, writing helps. therapy helped. intention helps.

Path Walker said...

Narcissism is so passe...ah, if only the narcissists knew that! But yes, love is love, and in following that belief system we must love the narcissists in our life as well. With pure, unadulterated Love & Light. And only then do we find freedom.

ed said...

path walker is wise.
xcrush, know what helps change one's life more than anything? effort. i mean, really wanting something. yeah, i believe, i know that if we're willing to work at something and put in whatever time it takes, there are very few things a human being cannot do.

Xcrush said...

And after reading this again....do you really thing your single friend that you refer to feels great about herself after these loveless encounters? I would be willing to bet .....not for very long.....but who am I?

ed said...

yeah, it's true. like i said, she lives with pain, pain of isolation, pain of not doing with her life what she thought she would when she was younger. but she did feel good about herself in a way that she hasn't for a while. and in the end, we do the best we can in this world. we find joy and peace wherever we can. she knows her issues, but sometimes, a lot of times, people would rather live on than do the work of dealing with the their issues.
thanks for the comment and insight. there's no simple answer for navigating through this world well, especially for broken people.

Xcrush said...

I understand...I have been one...keep stunning me with your writing my friend...I am addicted now....please don't cut off my next fix :)

Andrea Parker said...

Ah, love, pain. Emotions. It's not easy. O why are we humans when we are really spirits?

ed said...

yeah, andrea, that's nice. i like question. thank you for that nice nugget.

ed said...

i think i'd like to pose that question in a post i'm working on, with your permission. please let me know if you have any objections: epilolla@yahoo.com

Lori said...

I recently read: "Love is never wrong. Whether it's for the moment, or it's forever. But you can't have forever unless you take the moment."

Alexandra Grabbe said...

This post was quite beautiful. There's a book you would enjoy. The Good Men Project. It was compiled by a friend of the guy who does Mad Men. You might want to get a copy.

ed said...

alexandra, i will go hunting at my second-hand bookstore for a copy. thanks for the sugar.

Ed Pilolla said...

where'd you read that, lori? please share.

Lori said...

Oops. Should have cited my source. Those words of wisdom came from Nora Roberts, in the book "Bed of Roses." She is one of the first writers that got me really addicted to reading.