May 12, 2010

New Hampshire

I remember the green and gold woods all around while hiking deeper and deeper toward this place you wanted to show me. I remember watching your beautiful back.

I remember thinking, what could be so special about this place when I'm going to be covered in sweat and mosquito bites by the time we get there.

And then I remember the peninsula opening up all around, like day break in the afternoon, the blue water so clear we could see crabs scurrying on boulders five feet below the surface. I remember wading in the water with you and eating lunch on the shore with three other couples that showed up in kayaks and canoes, and you and I laughing under our breath because we were both thinking about sex in the water and how embarrassing that might have been because those kayaks and canoes came out of nowhere.

It's impossible for me to write to you without acknowledging the pain I caused you. But you were the one who opened up the world, dragging me kicking and screaming toward everything I ever wanted. You were the one who started me on this spiritual journey that changed everything about me except the appearance of my face and my goofball laugh.

I am so happy you are happy. And I'm so happy to have followed you for as long as I could, and most of all for your love and for your leading me as far through my darkness as you did. 

10 comments:

thinkingtoohard13 said...

I adore this - on many, many levels. But tell me something: How come the women are always dragging the men kicking and screaming toward everything they ever wanted? And how come the men never know it until it's too late. Make me sad.

Ed Pilolla said...

makes me sad, too. but it's the truth. as the persian poet rumi sez, women have an understanding of love men don't have. it takes some of us men a while to get there. just got to be thankful to those who helped us get there.

Xcrush said...

Not one critism....I wouldn't change one word of this Ed. What a beautiful tribute to someone special....love it!

Xcrush said...

"I remember watching your beautiful back".....I love the inner thoughts of a man....

Tori said...

This is an honest and touching tribute to someone who is clearly special. :)

Lori said...

I like this one. It's so dear. Plus, your goofball laugh is the best!

Alexandra Grabbe said...

I keep wondering who the lucky woman, with the beautiful back, is ....

thinkingtoohard said...

I'm with you, Alexandra.

Katie M said...

it's beautiful ed.

Andrea Parker said...

I doubt you were all that "in the darkness." How in the dark could someone who quotes Rumi really be?