May 15, 2010

Oasis

Churning out a post every day is a grind. Today, however, is an oasis of sorts for me. Today is a day of rest in the journey. I'm about 40 love letters into the project. I got another 20 or so left in me.

Soon after I started this book-in-progress, I thought how much easier it might be if I had a girlfriend while writing a book of love letters. But I could not do this project with a partner (as if I had the option anyway), largely because everything I wrote would be directed to and for her. Being unattached, which I seem to specialize in, I can draw on all my muses in an attempt to change up the energy and color of the pieces, and hopefully keep things lively.

Writing everyday is a grind, sure, but it's also a gift. The old journalism saying I lived by when I was a newspaper reporter is true: You don't need inspiration-- you need a deadline. If you write everyday, you might as well work at it and say something worth saying. As my new friend iquitelikethat recently wrote, "Every time I write I learn something about myself."

And so onward I race, into the homestretch of this project...Okay, with that racetrack imagery in mind, I confess to writing a love letter for today. And it's dedicated to you beautiful people who visit this blog:

Trapped

Most horses at the racetrack don't get out to pasture regularly. They live on the backstretch for several months at a time. They live 23 hours a day in their own individual stalls. The other hour is spent exercising on the racetrack. That's their life.

Temperament is not a factor when it comes to breeding. It's all about speed. So lots of racehorses are crazy, and sometimes even stepping into their stalls can be dangerous.

But you know what makes the horses really go nuts? A filly living on the backstretch will occasionally saunter down the barn aisle, and these horses that live 23 hours a day in stalls can see and smell that which they can never touch. They buck, stand up, neigh like a siren. Sometimes they even crack the wooden walls of their stalls with a thunderous kick.

When I think of you, when your face passes across the eye of my mind, when I remember what you smell like and what you do to the pace of my heart, I know just how those horses feel.

14 comments:

angelynn said...

Wow, I could feel that. Beautiful.

thinkingtoohard said...

You're on fire here. Authenticity at its best. Love it.

Path Walker said...

This is true Ed right here! Your heart is beautiful.

Alexandra Grabbe said...

I like the idea that you don't have a girlfriend right now because that way you are writing to Everywoman. My life experience tells me the right woman will come along, at the right time, so be patient.

Lori said...

Nice timing with the run of the Preakness. Thanks so much for your raw honesty.

Tori said...

This is fantastic! I love the parallel. You are on a hot roll my friend, keep it up. And if all else fails, think about all of the women you have swooning on a daily basis. :)

Ed Pilolla said...

thanks for luv, ya'all! means, well, more than i kin say.
lori, yeah, i still have friends in the horseracing biz. there are a lot of good people in the business, and there are also people with personal problems which translate into neglect for the horses, or worse. i imagined a typical horse for this piece.
i also wanted to say something about how grueling the day of a race is, but did without it for the sake of simplicity.

BIKE LADY said...

I didn't read into how this would end until the second to last paragraph. Then I expected the comparison and liked it. Nice.

Ed Pilolla said...

thankee, bike lady. i wrestled with 'across' the eye of my mind or 'over' it and then just pushed publish and ended the ridiculousness. then my friend mark dixon emailled me and reminded me that 'filly' is spelled as such and not 'philly,' which i originally had written. ha! i'd like to blame that screw-up on being a baseball fan, but it's more a case of being obtuse:)

wendryn said...

I really like this, and I think across the eye of my mind works better - the words flow more smoothly.

I'm looking forward to more! I think that not writing to a specific person leaves you more free to daydream your way into fascinating places.

chelsey said...

thankyou for the mention! (iquitelikethat), I feel honoured. and I really hope you continue blogging when you have written the '20 or so left'- what will you do after the love letters?

and I agree with wendryn, the fact you aren't writing to a specific person leaves you free to write however you want! which is great...

Ed Pilolla said...

chelsey, what will i do after love letters? well, i don't know. my writing is totally based on inspiration. i'm eager to finish this project strong, i'm eager for a break and eager to see what sort of energy i get for the next project. thanks for asking. i'll keep ya posted:)

joseph said...

Ed...You closed that with a bang! Enthralling my friend....

Ed Pilolla said...

thank you very much for reading, joseph, and reaching out.