September 8, 2011

Forest Fawn

I met you under a secret sky. The moon winked. The bullfrogs saw it. Jane and Mike went skinny dipping in the pond. The cattails were laughing.

It all happened while you danced.

You had grass stains on your knees and you were saluting the moon. You blew kisses in the air that cooled the breeze. You polished the faces of the prophets in the cliff wall.

You moved aside treetops to travel. You threw keys to the caged in the cities.

You were Night’s favorite daughter.

Your big cats found me behind a tree. I introduced myself to you. We did imitations of each other, and imitations of the imitations.

We caked ourselves in shore mud. The sky breathed down on us. Jane and Mike splashed in the dark water. The stars were laughing.

The moon winked. We had one night together.


For Poetry Jam's call for hallucinative work.

51 comments:

Jill said...

Who wouldn't love being under a winking moon?

Lolamouse said...

I'd love to have a night like that!

Alexandra said...

Beautiful, but wish it could have been more than one night though.

Ed Pilolla said...

me too:)

Enchanted Oak said...

Enchanting, surrealist, lots of fun to read. You really turn your imagination loose.

Ed Pilolla said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ed Pilolla said...

take two:

jill, i love a winking moon, too, but i don't know what it looks like. that's why the bullfrogs had to see it:)

lolamouse, thanks for visiting. me too, but dreaming it is the next best thing:)

alexandra, but the reader only wants it longer because it is short (that's what she said-- sorry, couldn't resist. i've been watching reruns of the office lately:)

enchanted oak, thanks for the visit:)

ayala said...

sometimes one night can last to eternity...love this!

Brian Miller said...

dude...magical night...the tigers doing imitations was rather humorous...covered in mud is fun...keys to caged cities was a nice touch as well...very nice man....

Pat Hatt said...

Sometimes one night like this can be worth a thousand ssdd nights. Got to love that winking moon.

Ed Pilolla said...

thanks. just put a clarifier in there.

jbchicoine said...

When I read your stuff, I just want to figure it out--so much of your writing is that way (okay, all of it that I've read is, except that bit on cooking [and by the way, Babette's Feast is an awesome film]). I just keep reading it over and over...mulling it around...

Heaven said...

Love the meeting under the sky with the moon winking, and imitations of the imitations. Just one night? Must make it unforgettable then.

SandyCarlson said...

One night with Night's Favorite Daughter. Not enough!

Sheri said...

I too was wishing more than one night but maybe because of it, not in spite of it, it was more magical? I like to dream so...

Impulsive Addict said...

Oooh la la! A little secret somethin' somethin'? A little skinny dipping? I love it!

Ok...so I solved the mystery as to how you found me. Inner Chick.

Where's my gold star?

oceangirl said...

There are a pair of eyes in the sky, a closing one and an open one. The open one is our moon.

You paint the magic so perfectly.

forgetmenot said...

Your "winking moon" seemed to be a big hit with everyone. I love your descriptive phrasing--what you say, you say in a creative way. Sounds like a "good" night to me. Have a great weekend. Mickie ;)

Madhulika said...

oohh.. i would love to have a night like that :)

Ed Pilolla said...

bridget, thanks so much. yeah, the cooking piece was straightforward. i like my fluff that way:)

heaven, i tried replacing that ending. nothing worked. i tried knocking it out and using just the moon winked. didn't work. sometimes what gets produced organically is the way to go.

sandy, thanks. i had 'you are night's favorite daughter' for several drafts until, duh, use the same tense as the rest of the piece, ed. using the past worked with the last line too.

sheri, when i didn't have that last line in a couple of drafts, it lost a ton of power, i thought.

impulsive addict, you get a gold star for sure:) okay, the skinny dipping. i will confess, that was fantasy, but i was inspired by one of my favorite bruce springsteen songs, sandy, with that concept of having a couple friends 'making love in the dirt,' as the lyrics say. i just made it fit my fantasy here.

lisa, that's beautiful, timeless. tell me more...

thanks, mickie, i didn't like having three moon references in the piece and tried cutting two of them and then one and then i realized the piece was built on them. it took me an hour to figure it out:)

madhulika, cool. that's what i wuz going fer:)

Shawn said...

So I've been trying to figure out how you found me too, it looks like IA figured it our for me.

Skinny dipping in the dark and grass stained knees..I'm blushing!

Kelley said...

<3. I had a couple fave lines: "secret sky" and "You were Night’s favorite daughter." Good stuff, Ed :)

missing moments said...

Beautiful prose Ed! Glad you dropped by so I could discover you!

Claudia said...

oh i much love the grass stains on the knees and the imitations of each other and imitations of the imitations....so playful and magical..

Wine and Words said...

Ed, Ed, Ed...Damn. This is lovely. When you write like this it makes me wonder what kind of woman would leave you at the end of an evening. To be so distinctively choregraphed in sweetness would be such a gift...to be so SEEN. And then to press it to this page, a gentle laying down. So whimsical, yet it oozed this sincere kind of lust. I'm rambling. I have no words for it really. It's just classic Shutter Bug. Please be putting these lovely things into a new book.

Ed Pilolla said...

shawn, easy: found you through impulsive addict:) thanks for visiting.

kelley, thanks. yeah, once i typed secret sky the rest flowed. i think good leads do that a lot of times.

missing moments, thanks for the visit.

claudia, i had the imitations line in a draft for something that never came together. so i pillaged:)

annie, thanks so much:) forest fawn (and i meant i was fawning, not that she was a fawn:) was similar to the last couple in that they were what i would call 'beef stew' sorts of features, that is, where i whip in what seems like a lot of different ingredients and brew 'em together under a theme. they're fun. that's why i like 'em:) this one had a little bit of a new voice, and that's always exciting for me. i hope to hear from this voice again.

Wine and Words said...

Oh me too. So "Beef Stew" will be published next year? :) Sign me up buddy. ♫Whip it good. Duh na na na nuh...you must whip it...♫

Leontien said...

Oh well i just enjoyed your story like always but this time i really enjoyed your comments too! Winking moon, i have no idea but i would love to cool the air with kisses! ;-)

Thanks and i hope you have a great weekend
Leontien

Ed Pilolla said...

well, dragonfly was my big seller, not that it was big at all, just my biggest. and i have to write in that direction if i'm going to ever be financially independent again, seems to me. it's a dream and i'm a dreamer. so i'm thinking about putting a book together at the end of the year, maybe with 150 original poems. maybe not beef stew:) maybe a re-release of dragonfly. maybe a dark dragonfly. we'll see.

leontien, great to see you:) when i was chopping the fat from my sentences, i almost ruined that one but thankfully stuck with it. i like it, too.

Ed Pilolla said...

i got that springsteen song wrong with the dirt lyrics. it's spirit in the night.
i used to be an age where i would have never confused song lyrics:)

She Writes said...

Yeah! There you are again, Ed. I remember you writing like this under a winking moon. I see you emerging again and again. LOVE it! Also gives me hope :) in the most selfish way. Write on.

Valentina Hepburn said...

Gosh, Ed. This is truly haunting. I felt myself being transported into the moment. Thank you for dropping by my blog. One question. What are you breaking away from?

Helen said...

WOW! With the exception of the cats finding me ... I've pretty much had a night like this! Grass stains and all.

Henrietta Collins (aka Kage) said...

this is beautiful. i love the image in my mind of dancing in the moonlight and grass stains on my knees.

Ed Pilolla said...

amy, i'd love to share in some inspiration and hope with you:) i've done so in the past.

valentina, thanks for stopping by. in the glitch, my self published book, the breaking away theme was a coming of age adventure for my 18-year-old teen character.

helen, luck you:)

henrietta, thanks so much:)

Celestial Dreamz said...

loved it. quite magical ...

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

I love the idea of a single night with a winking moon--absolutely ethereal. Very well done :0)

ladyfi said...

Beautiful and poetic!

Anna :o] said...

Fine write of a wonderful night.

Anna :o]

ccchampagne said...

Fantastic imagery!! Would have loved to be there (drug induced hallucination or not)! *smile*

My Inner Chick said...

ed, i'm going to begin calling you "Nerudo!"

Sensual. Lush.

I can smell the hot air.

I love this :) x

My Inner Chick said...

how do I subscribe by email, ed?

ed pilolla said...

kim, that sounds like an important widget to have displayed. i will attempt to get that figured out. i like the way it's easy to see at your place. thanks so much for the interest and heads up:)

Evelyn said...

"You blew kisses in the air that cooled the breeze."
your prose is very heady and intoxicating.

NanU said...

Delicious!
and I love the image of the tiger.

Cassiopeia Rises said...

Hallucinative work indeed. What were you own that night. Nice work.


Melanie

The Bug said...

I like this hallucination a lot - especially the caking on of shore mud. Sounds like a delicious spa treatment :)

Ed Pilolla said...

melanie, i had a strange natural energy going that evening.

bug, i have wondered, depending on the temperature of the evening, how cold that might be.

shawnacymariekiker said...

ok, ok. man... i officially love your words.
poetic as hell, and they read like fine fiction.
'the moon winked' is such a magic and beautiful way to convey the brief/ fleeting nature of the encounter.

all of it... just... dude. good stuff.

Dave King said...

A perfect combination of intelligence and imagination. I loved it all.

Milo James Fowler said...

"We did imitations of each other, and imitations of the imitations." Very nice work.