Red Rules

Many colors considered Red to be mean and scary and beautiful and that was useful because more than anything Red considered herself to be effective. This effectiveness arrived when Red instituted the Line of Defense.

Red instituted the Line of Defense after a breach, which happened so long ago, maybe during birth, maybe not. Following the breach and minimal necessary recovery, Red called an emergency meeting with all the inhabitants of the Red universe within her and informed them of the need for a Line of Defense. The inhabitants presented construction plans for this addition, and Red understood that to create something significant, something significant must be lost. An impenetrable Line of Defense meant she could not be vulnerable, and that meant she could not connect with another, which was something. Red, however, also understood that she could break down the Line of Defense once if she so chose, which made allowing for its construction easier. And up it went, the most beautiful, jaw-dropping Line of Defense ever. It made the Great Wall of China look like a worm and the combined firepower of the U.S. military feel like a dud firecracker.

There were no great gates in this Line of Defense, only a secret breach point Red herself and the tiny architects within her knew of, and only once did they agree to crack the Line of Defense and become vulnerable. That was when Red fell in love with Cobalt Blue and allowed him in, which backfired. And so the Line of Defense was sealed to be unbreakable, with no breach points anywhere. Not even Cobalt Blue could get through again. Red gave up on love and since then nothing breached the Line of Defense, which allowed Red to concentrate all her creative energy on effectiveness.

For a long time Red believed only Green might be a worthy adversary as a tactician, and since Green’s inclination was toward connection, or at least the appearance of connection, and Red’s inclination was not, Red was less inclined to engage Green in battle because she was as yet unfamiliar with Green’s abilities and weaknesses.

Electric Pink’s moving next door to Yellow and Green didn’t concern Red after Electric Pink’s negative poll ratings skyrocketed. Even Mikado Yellow and Cobalt Blue’s moving next door to Green and the others didn’t bother Red so much, and that was because a homeless color was living in Green’s garden. So instead of Green’s garden becoming an alternative societal focal point away from the energy Red administered, Green’s neighborhood had become a charitable contraption, which turned the colors off thoroughly. Red no longer considered Green’s neighborhood a threat to her status at all.

The most recent challenge was hearing Blue use the words power structure, and then to hear Blue say the power structure was sinister. Well, Red knew Blue was incapable of coming up with this vision on his own. Green wouldn’t be foolish enough to speak to Blue that way, knowing Blue and loving Blue like she did. Pink wasn’t interested in participating in such conversations. Yellow minded her own business, mostly. Electric Pink was a possibility, too, but White was the probability.

By promoting seditious talk, White was attempting to breach the Line of Defense and kill Red. Red was willing to dissolve White, without hesitation, or she was willing to allow any combination of the shady blues to do it. But Red knew dissolving a color was a last-ditch maneuver. Dissolving colors might mean splitting the clique, civil war. Everybody would take sides, and Red didn’t want to risk that quite yet. Red wanted to maintain all the colors beneath her, as they were now. As they should be.

White would be dealt with. Red consulted with the tiny advisers within her who lived on top of the Line of Defense and they agreed that expanding Red’s repertoire was a worthwhile opening move that allowed her all proven effective options at any future time. Red might even glean some insights into Green’s tactical way of thinking. Red was going to do some connecting in the name of maintaining power. Red was going to blend with Blue.

Here's the next part.

Blue Busts Through

Blue was beginning to recognize his extreme nature, having to do with his interest in solitude on his mountaintop and insatiable interest in popularity among the colors. This duality of his may have been mentioned by Green, but Blue was certain he had thought of it first.

Blue decided to do a little investigating, not about himself but rather for himself. In the end, Blue was significantly less interested in why he sought solitude than in becoming popular. And Blue was already looking forward to his own conclusions, for Blue believed that when he applied his mind and vision in a concentrated manner, he would, if given time, discover something worth discovering.

As the master shape changer he was, Blue took the form of a color that hadn’t even been born yet, Cool Beige, and began mingling among the colors. He quizzed them as to their interests, what they liked to do for entertainment, what TV shows they watched, what blogs they read. If any of the colors did any creative writing recently, Blue made a point to read it. Eventually, Blue drew conclusions he believed were both profound and unique: The colors liked to have fun, and they liked to talk about god.

After what was at most an hour of total research, which includes both general interaction with various colors totaling two, question-and-answer with them, research online and conclusion drawing while medicating, Blue was eager to share his discoveries. At the next house party, which happened to be that evening at Violet’s home in Miami, Blue cornered White because Blue wanted to impress the color generally considered not likely to be an idiot-- a major jerk, certainly, but not an idiot.

After fetching White a gin and tonic, White complimented Blue on his conclusions, which were both deep and timely. Not only would Blue be able to use this information for his own personal gain, but Blue could then pass it on to the rest of society for its betterment.

About Blue’s conclusions, White had a couple thoughts. First, as to god: If you wanted to make more friends and become more popular, you called it God, not god. But you wouldn’t write it that way. Colors that liked to talk about God would not approve of referring to God as it. God is He. God can be She, too. That sort of thing is gaining in popularity, but stick to He. It's more conventional, a larger net. Of course, be respectful and reverent and positive. And understand that any color who describes him or herself as respectful or reverent or positive or anything else publicly may very well be the other way on the meter privately.

Second, as to having fun: Don’t so much as even refer to things that make others sad, like the colors living on the street or the industrialization of the small colors. The colors don’t want to hear those things. They want to feel good about themselves and believe that there’s nothing sinister about Red or the shady blues and what they are up to and how what they are up to affects God's favorite creation.

Blue nodded to everything White had to say. Blue found himself feeling good, believing that White did not tell him anything he didn’t already know about his own insights.


Here's the next part.

Pink Pretends

Green and Yellow were close friends and all the colors understood this, but Pink and Ultra Pink were genuinely regarded as thick as thieves. Pink was cheery to be out and about with Ultra Pink. They ‘got’ each other. They liked to have fun, and if other colors resented them for having fun and looking good doing it, that was their problem.

They didn't just have fun while together. They also helped each other out by way of listening. Pink talked to Ultra Pink over coffee about True Blue and how she enjoyed her time with True Blue. They had fun on their dates. Pink wasn’t sorry they swirled. But she couldn’t get into True Blue. After breaking up with True Blue, Pink felt better about herself.

Over sangria at Linen White's party, Ultra Pink told Pink that she would like to meet someone special, too, and that’s exactly what happened: Ultra Pink fell madly in love with Bermuda Blue, who was bartending Linen White's party, and Bermuda Blue went ahead and fell madly in love with Ultra Pink. Right away, they brought each other cupcakes and within weeks they alternated time throughout the day between his hut on the beach and her penthouse on 5th Avenue. Ultra Pink was so happy and so ultra pink.

How could it be so easy for Ultra Pink? Ultra Pink had exactly what Pink wanted and was searching for: Big Love. Pink had little big love with Blue and White. It just didn’t work out. That’s why she had little big love with them and not Big Love. Big Love was when it worked out.

Pink accepted an invitation from Ultra Pink to go on a double date with Bermuda Blue’s buddy, Sky Blue, who was always talking about how he can see you no matter where you are. It was creepy. Pink swirled with him for fun, but she wasn’t interested in him. No, Pink would know instantly when Big Love arrived. A large part of this belief was based on Ultra Pink’s stating matter-of-factly that she knew Bermuda Blue was The One right away.

Pink had tried to make things work with True Blue, to her credit. This effort revealed her seriousness in the cause of finding that Big Love. Pink could believe nothing other than Big Love was right around the corner. In the next day or week, Pink was going to meet a special color. If she wanted to spend all her time with him, then that was the blue worth considering. Big Love was close. She just knew it.

When Big Love didn’t arrive in a timely manner, or a tardy manner, Pink became concerned. She pretended to be more happy than she really was over espresso with Ultra Pink, who inquired about Pink’s state of mind but Pink claimed to be nothing but happy and pink. Just a little tired.

After espressos, Pink blended with Blue and felt better for a little while, which was better than nothing. Then Blue kicked her off his mountaintop and Pink felt worse than ever.


Here's the next part.

Red Requires Assurances

The third color to move next door to Yellow and Green was Electric Pink, which raised questions. Electric Pink fashioned herself a bit of a rebel. During the brief anarchist push among the colors following Powder Blue’s resignation, or rather retreat, Electric Pink had been hardnosed in the cause.

Electric Pink also fashioned herself a bit of a nomad, though differently than Yellow before Yellow settled down next to Green. Yellow relied on the hospitality of others while she wandered. Electric Pink was a bit like, say, a senator’s daughter who isn’t fooled by what she was born into, as Electric Pink described herself at her blowout tree house party. Originally, Electric Pink lived on a sailboat off the coast of Japan. She ended up dissolving the sailboat and conjuring a multi-leveled tree house in the deep forests of Canada. The highlight of Electric Pink’s party in the tree house was a drinking contest between the yellows and purples, with Electric Pink declaring the yellows winner by default when Light Purple poured more beer around her mouth than in it, which Light Purple objected to and has never really forgiven Electric Pink for. For the record, Light Purple considered herself an easy target, knowing her own reputation had been dinged, even just a tiny bit, or substantially more, after swirling with White at Indigo’s party.

Electric Pink’s relocating her tree house to Green and Yellow’s neighborhood meant three colors were living next door to each other, which was unprecedented. Was Electric Pink trying to start trouble? One might wonder if Green was orchestrating something, namely trouble. These were Red’s thoughts.

After Green reassured Red there was no orchestrating going on, Red felt better but Red didn’t like Electric Pink wearing a dark blue bandana while sauntering through Green and Yellow’s garden, which was now Green and Yellow and Electric Pink’s garden. Red saw the possibilities right away: Rebellious color admired by younger colors wearing revolutionary colored head garb in effort to encourage resistance and ultimately the overthrow of society. Red wanted more reassurances. Green gave them. Electric Pink gave no assurances. Yellow wanted everyone to chill.

Red ended up learning a valuable lesson. Red feared Electric Pink was going to whistle in the revolution, and maybe she would have, but Electric Pink, after making the misstep of characterizing the unfolding events as “political,” made the fatal error of defending that characterization. She couldn’t be reasoned with and it all became very awkward very quickly. The colors ended up feeling turned off and that was understandable, given the political climate.

So Red was finally reassured about her secure place atop the popularity charts, and once this reassurance arrived so did Red’s understanding that sometimes in the business of maintaining power the best thing to do is very little, reason being opponents often make unforced errors.

This is a valuable lesson for anyone to learn, perhaps, but especially someone like Red, and that’s because Red was dangerous.

When no one moved next door to Green and Yellow and Electric Pink for a long, long time, Red was vindicated. That’s what was said. Then Mikado Yellow and Cobalt Blue moved in.


Here's the next part.

Dark Blue's Move

With Dark Blue, you found yourself staring deep into his color in an attempt to glimpse what was going on beneath his surface, largely because things were definitely going on beneath the surface. At times, it looked as if dragons were flying behind Dark Blue’s grainy clouds. Others said the winged creatures looked more like sparrows. In fact it was Blue, speaking through Pink (this occurred during the time Blue and Pink were together), who made the observation that Dark Blue could show everyone what lurked beneath his surface but chose not to, thus leaving everyone in the dark completely, which wasn’t very community-oriented. 

Dark Blue heard this criticism while in the initial stages of making his move and responded that anyone who wished to see what lurked beneath his surface was welcome to, but, in return, Dark Blue would like to see what lies beneath the surface of whoever looked beneath his.

This was an offer well received, with two notable exceptions: Ghost White, who resented not having the sort of dim allure that Dark Blue enjoyed and sought to create speculation about his own insides by passing on Dark Blue’s sneak-a-peek convention. Dark Blue also secured a backroom agreement not to call on any of the shady blues or Red to reveal their insides.

One by one the colors unsheathed themselves as Dark Blue called on them, revealing their insides. Beneath the surface of Burgundy was the taste of wine. Beneath the surface of Fuchsia were nine neon light bulbs. Beneath Yellow was a field of sunflowers.

Dark Blue did not forget which color was responsible for this show-and-tell convention and, before unveiling himself, Dark Blue called on Blue, who happened to be sitting in the last row of the balcony, slouched in his seat and leaning into Pink’s shoulder to try and avoid notice. So Blue, never one to wince at the spotlight when it shone on him, even when it was an obvious precursor to another doomed moment on display, gave everyone a peek beneath his firstborn surface, which revealed nothing more than a dyslexic 12-year-old boy with chocolate ice cream dripping from his chin lost in a crowd trying to find his mother. This scene brought laughs, mostly from the reds, which reassured Blue for no other reason than the reds still got an emotional response to his presence, and that might bode well for a future blending with Red herself, which Blue had not totally given up hope for.

When it was finally Dark Blue’s turn to uncover his surface, he revealed the winged creatures to be both dragons and sparrows, large sparrows with huge horns affixed to the head. And Pterodactyls. Every color in the audience paled at what they saw, except one: Gold.

Dark Blue’s intended move was to make a play for Lava, with the sands of Mars beneath her surface. But Gold, containing all the beauty and glitter required of an elite color, was the one so deficient in ugliness that she honored it when in its presence. And so Dark Blue, who would later comment that he wasn’t so much thinking tactically but rather allowing himself to organically follow the path toward happiness that the gods had suddenly laid out before him by way of Blue’s big yap, incredibly, shoved aside his feelings for Lava and especially Dark Yellow, with an albino python beneath her surface, and made a play for Gold. 

Dark Blue and Gold have been blending ever since, with the results that Gold, with evening sunlight beneath her surface, obtained a luster at times never seen before, and Dark Blue a shiny sheen that drove Blue himself crazy because Dark Blue was legitimately an elite color after his coupling with Gold.


Here's the next part.

Pink and Ultra Pink's Espresso

Pink was generally unhappy with the resultant romantic experiences of having been partnered with two super confident colors. Both White and Blue had a power over her she was drawn to but also universally hurt by. She could not emotionally afford to be on the receiving end of another breakup. Pink simply would not allow that experience another opportunity in her life. She was out looking for a different brand of color. 

Pink had no shortage of suitors, and she preferred entertaining interested parties in Green and Yellow’s garden, which was quickly becoming the fashionable place to spend time. So Green and Yellow issued open-ended invitations to everyone, resulting in a general smattering of colors drinking tea and making small talk pretty much throughout the morning.

True Blue won the first date with Pink from a pool of about thirty suitors. True Blue relied heavily on his sense of brevity when asking Pink to take a walk on the ocean water as friends only so she didn’t feel any pressure. Pink’s position after the walk was she wanted to remain friends and still hang out. Pink, though interested in True Blue, wanted to see more of him in action before committing to anything. True Blue played along. He would have done anything, nearly.

Pink had a power while interacting with True Blue she didn’t have with either White or Blue, and Pink enjoyed this power but was wary of missing out on the explosive experiences provided only by gazing upward at an object of admiration.

Ultra Pink used the opportunity of Pink’s rebirth into the dating world to establish a friendship with Pink. Finding Pink sprawled out on a chaise lounge on Ultra Pink’s outdoor deck on 5^th Avenue in Manhattan wasn’t unusual, and neither was finding them at an espresso bar in Paris, which is where Pink lived.

One morning Powder Blue spotted Pink and Ultra Pink having coffee at one of their usual cafés and made the mistake of likening them to Barbie dolls. One is judged completely by one’s delivery and not the accuracy of one’s remarks, Powder Blue contended while the two pinks chased him into the street.

Ultra Pink and Pink never knew they could be so feared, dismissing the obvious factor in their moment of glory that Powder Blue’s big mouth was paired with an especially weak spine. As if the day couldn’t get more exciting for Pink and Ultra Pink, Dark Blue strolled past their outdoor table and said hello, producing a melt-with-me moment. If Cobalt Blue was the most masculine of the male colors, Dark Blue, who was spoken for, remained the most mysterious, even after his unveiling, in which Pink played a minor role.

Here's the next part.

Green's Observation

Green was the one who noticed the basic irony in the colors’ dual natures, which was their need to be together regularly along with their magic ability to conjure their very own dream house. Blue, upon hearing Green’s observation through Pink (Green’s observation occurred during the time Blue and Pink were together) attempted to offer an observation of his own in order to ‘keep pace’ as he described his actions to himself.

Blue cited irony in the fact that his house had been called the worst house among all the colors when in fact he doesn’t have a house. He lives on his mountaintop. Blue endured loud competing streams of commentary focused mainly on what a buffoon he was for trying to ‘keep pace,’ which Blue while inebriated at the local tavern had acknowledged to be his motivation from time to time. Other colors parroted the jingle in the dominant narrative that said something about wherever a color lived constituted his or her home. 

Blue said the narrative had been written by Red and was inaccurate. Red, as always in reply to such attacks, ignored Blue.

Just as Yellow was not the only color who medicated, Blue was not the only color without a house. However, no one, including Blue, wanted to inject the sad subject of the colors living in cardboard boxes on the street into the public conversation for fear of being labeled an ‘entertainment downer,’ which was also the term Blue quietly used to describe himself after his second banishment. Besides, Blue didn’t like his conversation topics rejected by either popular opinion or the shady blues.

Green’s observation was also a wake up call of sorts for herself. If such a harmless comment grew to religious fodder for everyone, what exactly was she at liberty to say without it being passed around gospel? Blue became aware of Green’s megaphone-like abilities after nearly every other color had already arrived at this conclusion but he would not have believed the chronology. Again Blue was touched with a fleeting fancy for Green that efficiently slipped to Red before Yellow.

Yellow interrupted Blue’s fanciful thoughts and everyone else’s when she conjured her own home, which looked very much like Green’s and was situated next door to Green’s. There were differences, mostly having to do with certain flowers and plants favored over others and a larger sun room for Yellow, whose home contained a nicer guest quarters than any other home, consequently making Yellow’s home a destination and Yellow a little bit of a host. 

Yellow and Green still lived together. They just had two earthen houses separated and connected by a sprawling garden that may or may not have been magical. Since the colors moved at the speed of thought, there was no logical reason to live next door to anyone. For example, Ultra Pink lived on 5^th Avenue in Manhattan, in a penthouse with a sunken living room and the work of truly up-and-coming artists hanging on the wall. Traversing to Ultra Pink’s home took just as long as getting to Indigo’s rundown though still quite nice California beach mansion or Tuscan Red’s villa in the old country.

Yellow or Green could have whisked themselves away at the speed of thought to the other’s front door but they preferred the short walk across the grounds.

During a night of partying at Yellow’s, Green put White out the front gate by his ear after catching him peeing on the plants on the grounds. Predictably, Green’s bouncing White from the premises in the appropriate bad child-like manner vaulted her to goddess status among the colors, and not just among those who described themselves as 'Pro-Pink.' In the wake of White's ejection, it was speculated that Green might take on Red. But Green put those rumors to rest by hosing Red for tea in the garden and was later seen laughing and making small talk with Red at Ultra Pink’s party. 

In this writer’s opinion it would not be inaccurate to say that both colors were unwilling to take on the other at this point, with Green respecting the power of Red and Red respecting the popularity of Green. So the sort of traditional color battle as established by Blue and Powder Blue versus Red never transpired between Red and Green, and both colors were satisfied they were operating in the best interests of their side.

Pink's Situation, and Yellow's

Pink’s situation was that Blue didn’t miss her. At least that was her situation according to Blue. Blue missed the blending, and other things, too. Mostly the blending. He didn’t miss Pink.

Pink didn’t miss Blue either. Pink loved White. And White was super white-hot for Pink. 

This according to Pink.

White and Pink were going to make beautiful colors together someday.

Pink, as second born, allowed herself that it was inevitable to have fallen for Blue like she did. She had been born into a blue world. How could she not love the sole god of that world. White was different. White spoke of spirits and history and blended like a predator, which Pink enjoyed very much, believing only she had such an effect on White. 

According to those in her attendance, Pink was said to be in shock after learning of the white and light purple-colored swirl behind the basement bar at Indigo’s house party. Yellow stayed with Pink all night. Pink wondered what went wrong and where White went wrong, quite obviously ushering her thoughts away from her own role. Letting her guard down finally, Pink said, “Light Purple?? I’m better than Light Purple!”

By the time Yellow left, Pink was not only feeling better, she was close to normal and on the prowl again. This was Yellow’s assessment, and it was indeed accurate.

Yellow believed that if she stopped taking medication she might act very much like Pink. For the record, Yellow was happy being yellow, and she planned on remaining yellow, and that meant not having pink-like behavior characteristics. Yellow was interested in balance, and if she required medication to achieve such balance, well, there wasn’t a difficult decision to make. 

Yellow lived with Green. It was difficult to say where the garden ended and where the Green’s house began. Green’s house was one of the most special houses of any of the colors, and there were many, many special houses among the colors.

Yellow lived with Green because Yellow moved from friend to friend with the seasons. Yellow was nomadic, and Pink welcomed Yellow into her home that night when she needed sisterly comfort, as well as other nights when she didn't need anything. That’s what Yellow did. Yellow went where she was wanted and welcomed.

Here's the next part.

The Role of Scrubbed Teal

So banishment was Blue’s thing. Blue could be found at either a house party or on his favorite mountaintop, which is where he did most of his best thinking, largely consisting of putting things together along the lines of what he wanted to believe. And what he wanted to believe was that he was making progress, or internal progression, as it was called. 

Evidence of this progression could be found in Blue’s diagnosis of his interaction with three colors. With Pink, Blue was in control. With Red, Blue was out of control. Both colors were equally bad for Blue, according to Blue. With Green, he was both in control and not in control of shared moments.

Green was the prize, with Yellow as a backup.

Blue liked the idea of Green bringing him cupcakes all right, but he wouldn’t be fool enough to mention it to her right away. These sorts of opportunities present themselves, seemed to Blue. There was no need to create a moment when one doesn’t occur naturally. And although endowed with this knowledge to basically go with the flow, Blue also knew he was renown for unnecessarily creating famously bad moments.

At Indigo’s house party, Blue went “clandestine-like,” which meant he pretended to be somebody else, a Scrubbed Teal. Blue as Scrubbed Teal quietly sat at the end of the basement bar, watching the proceedings that included Bermuda Blue mixing drinks for a group of yellows and greens and a few reds and blues twisting on the dance floor. Indigo had very nice house.

Alcohol became a factor. It was clearly the third margarita and the small smile from Light Purple – Light Purple! – that got Blue off his stool and talking about the measure of a man, which is athleticism, not strength. Blue believed this sort of opening topic would produce light, engaging banter and Blue was exactly right, perhaps, he suspected, because he was Scrubbed Teal and therefore not really responsible for his actions. Blue reflected upon this while demonstrating a behind-the-back move to place his glass on the table.

“I didn’t know teals were so funny,” Light Purple said.

“It’s because we’re in the blue family,” Blue as Scrubbed Teal said. “We take after Blue, who is supernaturally funny.”

Light Purple made one of those faces that said she disagreed but was reluctant to verbalize the disagreement because the experience of chatting over margaritas had been pleasant so far. Blue could not help prodding her for more information, and so Light Purple told him how Blue was the oldest color and most self-unaware. Look how badly he hurt Pink, Light Purple said.

Blue could only nod as Scrubbed Teal.

Blue would later call it a test from the gods that Pink walked downstairs into the basement bar at that moment in the company of White by way of holding hands, engaged in a conversation about spirit colors. Of course Pink recognized Blue right away, and Blue, after excusing himself from Light Purple, explained that he didn’t plan on talking to anyone as Scrubbed Teal. He just wanted to hang out at the end of the bar, but then he got a little buzzed and said a few words to Light Purple. So what?

Pink didn’t care. She said have a nice night and turned away from Blue. White gave Blue a look that said it was time for him to go, and Blue went upstairs to the living room, saw that the shady blues were occupying the furniture, and headed to the second floor bar as Blue. Green was at the second floor bar, in the company of Seal Brown. They were situated close together, as Seal Brown made no secret of his desire for Green. And Green, though she desired Blue, was thinking that it might not happen with Blue, largely because it hadn't happened yet.

Blue said hi to Green and Seal Brown before disappearing into the crowd and out to small, neighborhood tavern where there was no large crowd or lively conversation or objects of desire, passed over or not, holding hands with other colors or not, just cheap drinks and TVs and the patrons getting obliterated in good old fashioned silence.

Here's the next part.

The Return of Blue

Blue’s return corresponded with the time Red was pining for Cobalt Blue. In other words, it was a time in which no amount of perfect assertiveness by Blue would exact anything resembling a desired response, which Blue learned rather quickly, as Blue was not quite perfectly assertive.

At Pumpkin’s house party, Blue opened with what he considered a firm “Hello.” That was when Red turned to look at him, and that was when Blue’s color sort of drained. Blue’s preparation for this confrontational moment included imagining every conceivable reaction Red might have after his initial hello. From rage to excitement to needing a refresher as to who he was, Blue was ready, except, of course, for the look Red actually gave him, and that was one along the lines of, “You look very ill.”

And Blue somehow knew it was true. He had been so concentrated on his prepared remarks that depended entirely upon whether Red greeted him with love or revulsion or lack of recollection that he had stopped eating altogether for at least a day and was looking quite peaked as a result. In addition to looking pale and sickly, Blue also, though he never would admit it, may very well have been suffering through an anxiety attack at the time he opened with the allegedly firm “Hello.”

In Blue’s defense, once he realized he could not draw on any of his prepared remarks, which included “It’s good to be seen,” and, “Lighten up, so I had a little crush on you. Big deal,” he understood there was no recovery to be made. While Blue strolled away into the sunset (there was in fact a sunset commencing at the time) and into his second banishment, Blue at least did so with a brief smile of genuine amusement at the turn of events he initiated and was now suffering through.

Certainly it was no moment of triumph, for nearly every color was laughing at Blue’s latest train wreck in the pursuit of if not Red’s affection then rather her mere attention.

But in that brief moment when Blue held his smile and eyes to his brothers and sisters in the aftermath of a legendary face-plant, Blue’s looks went from peaked to pretty, somehow.

That’s how Green remembered it, and lots of colors believed her and repeated what she had to say and ended up defining the moment, again not as triumph but rather as nuclear disaster averted and replaced by only sizable natural disaster.

Blue understood the massive damage control Green had influenced by way of Pink who brought news of things and chocolate cupcakes. For the first time Blue understood the powerful alliance a Blue-Green relationship might command. Blue retreated to a mountaintop and when Pink arrived, Blue took the cupcakes and sent her home and that was the end of Blue and Pink.

This is the fourth part. Here's the fifth.

The Presence of Green

I won’t bore you with Royal Blue’s attempt at greatness that ended without a whiff of greatness, or even acceptability. I will instead introduce you to Green.

Green was born into this world while Red was administering an ass whoopin’ to Blue. Green doesn’t remember the words they used against each other as much as she understood what they were really saying. Behind her words, Red was saying to Blue something to the effect of, I’d-love-you-if-you-were-just-a-little-different. And Green translated rather easily Blue’s statements to Red to mean, I-love-you-so-much-I-could-never-possibly-admit-it.

Green saw that Pink was a product of this dysfunctional environment while Yellow appeared medicated and just fine.

Despite her birth order, Green became the older sister to Pink and Yellow. So Green and Red agreed that birth order didn’t mean much. But they disagreed in their perspective of Blue.

Green loved Blue just the way he was.

Now imagine the depth of the color that loves another which happens to be taking an ass whoopin’ at the time. Green was special, and everyone understood this. If you believe legends, or this account, Green remains the only color who ever saw its own spirit.

Then there was Blue. Blue not only noticed Green’s love while he took that ass whoopin’, but he also had the wherewithal to reflect upon what a dynamic personality he must have in order to take notice during an such an ordeal.

After the ordeal that was an ass whoopin’ but before his banishment, Blue, for strategic reasons he could not explain as well as the comfort factor that he could, elected to have a tryst with Pink.

Blue would have better served saying nothing more and attempting to visit no one else on his way out. But Blue, figuring he had acquired some sort of mojo following his mechanical tryst with Pink, shocked everyone by sweating and panting and saying, “I love you” to Red.

The roll of Red’s eyes set all the shades of red afire with giggles, and many other colors, too. The laughs and the roll of the eyes caused panic inside Blue, who searched out Green and gave her a look that said ‘I sure screwed up.’

For actual tactical reasons, Green did not respond. Her decision to demur was based on the fact that she wasn’t particularly thrilled with Blue’s actions at the time, certainly, but she also held out from answering because hers would have predictably been without affection and she might at some point in the future be so inclined not to requite the boy’s love, though that was difficult to image at the moment.

So it wasn’t Red who banished Blue, although Red did not deny subsequent statements from random shades that she in fact banished Blue, so that’s what everyone came to believe. But Blue was the one who banished himself. Blue looked around and saw all the good will he could have created as the first-born color and all the friendships and relationships he could have nurtured and grown. But he hadn’t done those things.

Blue reflected that perhaps if he had been more assertive with Red, she would have submitted to him and everything would have been different. Everything would have been perfect. And so Blue assigned himself the banishment that would last as many days as needed so that Blue would return only when he had trained himself to be more assertive with colors he really wanted to blend with.

Here's the next part.

The Rise and Fall of Powder Blue

About the time Red banished Blue, as it was told, Powder Blue began the sort of public preening that prompted immediate speculation Blue had taken over Powder Blue’s shade and was seeking to regain his self-perceived exulted status through impersonation.

The majority of the colors seemed to like a good show, especially if it had a decent chance to end up as a train wreck, and so Powder Blue was encouraged.

The colors were correct to be entertained by Powder Blue but skeptical of his ability to achieve anything worth achieving, evidenced by Powder Blue’s assurances of how “on-the-ball” he was. The colors laughed at Powder Blue’s “performance idiocy,” as they called it, yet Powder Blue interpreted the laughs to mean love, and so Powder Blue was well constructed to function, some of the colors argued. The architect that put together Powder Blue clearly knew some tricks. Hence further speculation that the dysfunctional Blue had returned as Powder Blue.

Eventually, the colors supported Powder Blue’s ascension as the “top collah,” which Powder Blue called himself repeatedly, annoying so many of the colors that a revolt nearly occurred. Powder Blue settled his fellow colors down over drinks at Hansa Yellow's house party, however. And while the colors were all liquored up and once again supporting Powder Blue as the “top collah,” Powder Blue took the opportunity of near unanimous support (Tropical Blue was passed out) to waltz over to Red and say, “What say we get it on, hon.”

Well, the blush that came over Red as a result of the spontaneity of a certain outrageous prick was about the funniest thing the colors had seen in their short lives. Laughter rumbled through every shade in attendance of these events, and every shade of every color was in attendance, for these were the first days that the colors had been created and a pecking order was being developed, at least according to Blue.

Red, on the other hand, would have argued that a pecking order had already been firmly established, with Red at the head of all the colors. The events that ensued after Powder Blue’s offer of relations essentially confirmed the existing pecking order.

What happened was Powder Blue should have taken his lumps from Red, it was agreed later. He would have been beloved. But Powder Blue ran from Red like a scared dog, or man. At least Blue had taken his lumps from Red before surrendering unconditionally, the colors noted.

Powder Blue did not make any public appearances for quite a long time, instead choosing to imbibe considerably with Tropical Blue and other shady blues, which eliminated further speculation that Blue himself had been impersonating Powder Blue and raised hopes that Blue would return someday, which excited Pink but also caused her visible anxiety, too.

Some colors began discussing the possibility that they didn’t need a leader at all. Other than brief stints of mostly poor entertainment, each of the two alleged leaders of the blues had done nothing but demonstrate his considerable jackass tendencies, which didn’t help the popular cause among the young blues to hook up with other shades of colors.

This effort to go leaderless and promote an anarchist image for the benefit of society at large as well as to aid in the eternal cause of blending with other colors persisted until Royal Blue, at the urging of the shady blues, came along with his plan for making the blues great once again.


Here's the next part. 

The Arrival of Blue

The first color created was Blue.

Blue looked around and saw he was the only color there was, and so Blue got an attitude right away.

Blue declared himself the greatest color of all time and forever, and since no other color existed at the moment to challenge such an assertion, Blue’s declaration became the law of the land, according to Blue.

The second color created was Pink.

Blue understood that other colors would be arriving soon, and so, thinking tactically, Blue took Pink as a lover and dominated her, mostly by convincing her of the importance of birth order.

The third color created was Yellow, who appeared medicated and happy.

When Red arrived on the scene, Red tried to claim Pink as one of her own, as per common sense, according to Red, specifically that Pink is so obviously a shade of red. But Blue denied this, saying Pink was created before Red, so Red is no mother to her. This served to redden Red, for Red did not believe in the importance of birth order as Blue did, but rather, like all of us perhaps, she believed in her version of justice and the application of power to that end.

In the first great battle between Blue and Red over Pink and other things, nothing significant happened other than Blue surrendering quickly and Pink and Yellow retreating from the scene and meeting up with Green when she was born, and Pink and Yellow and Green quickly becoming best of friends before all the rest of the colors arrived.


Read part 2 here.